Loving Others & Carrying Burdens
“Share each other’s burdens and in this way obey the law of Christ” Galatians 6:2
"Hold on, one second!" my daughter's voice echoed through the house.
"Help!" I called again.
When Hailey burst out of her room, she was met with a sight that she did not expect. She refrained from laughing at me and then came to my rescue.
One of my toxic traits is rearranging furniture when my husband isn't around. I get these ideas and dive into transforming the room without waiting for him. Who has time to wait, anyway?
One morning, I decided to move a desk from upstairs to downstairs. Hailey was still in bed as I began my mission. But halfway down the stairs, I hit a snag. The desk was stuck, and so was I. Frozen on the staircase, I needed help, fast.
Picture this - A twelve-year-old girl helping her mom bear a weight that was never intended to be lifted alone. It’s a sweet picture of what it looks like to “carry one another’s burdens”.
We are not intended to carry our burdens alone. When I think back at all the difficult times we have walked through, including when Cassidy was first born with major medical problems, I am incredibly grateful for the many people who loved us well. But the question still comes up often, even for me. What do we say to others who are going through trials?
What if that is the wrong question to ask? Maybe instead of trying to work up the perfect thing to say, we ask how can I help carry their burdens?
I had many moments when my biggest need was a safe place to process the intense amount of emotions and thoughts that were robbing me of peace. One of the most tender things people did that helped remove some weight from my shoulders was simply to be present with me. Thinking back to the days of the post-surgery waiting game and how I was loved, I didn’t need the perfect speech. Friend, you don’t have to know what to say. The truth is, you probably won’t, and that’s ok. The best thing you can do is acknowledge what they are going through and simply be with them.
One of the most precious and tender moments I remember was shortly after Cassidy was born and she was still in the NICU. I was processing a lot of trauma in a short amount of time and we didn’t have any idea what her prognosis would be. My dad came to sit with me, neither of us saying a word. But his presence was like a pillar assuring my soul that I wasn’t alone. As we sat there, a Psalm came to my dad, who gently prayed that scripture over me. Trust me, in that moment I experienced a burden being lifted simply by my dad sitting by my side.
Over the years we had so many kind and generous people offer to help. To be honest, I often turned down assistance partly because I didn’t know what I needed. When someone is in the middle of a trial, it’s often hard to make simple decisions which makes it even more difficult to articulate how they need support. One of the best ways you can carry someone’s heaviness is by taking the decision-making off of their shoulders. I don’t know anyone who would argue with having dinner delivered to their house, or a friend showing up with their favorite coffee. I promise you can’t go wrong with showing up.
So, here's the takeaway: You don't have to search for the perfect words but acknowledge their pain, and sit with them in their feelings. Offer tangible support – whether a thoughtful gift (pizza delivery counts as a gift!) or a comforting presence.
