Finding Rest In Seasons of Grief
There is a popular meme that jokes about giving directions. It goes like this: "When people give directions like 'Then head North', Ok Lewis and Clark... Do I turn at the Chick-Fil-A or head towards Sonic?"
This meme is hilarious to me because I have no sense of direction and would be lost without my trusty GPS. In the days before navigation systems, I had to write down every turn or I would inevitably end up lost.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we had a navigation system when it comes to grief? Unfortunately, there is no roadmap, no GPS, and no right or wrong way to grieve. Therefore, I have learned to be more cautious about how I judge someone else’s way of grieving. Even if I have walked in similar “shoes”, the process will look different between me and them.
I’m going to do the best I can to talk about this with a tender heart. Some of the ways I process and find rest in these seasons may be different for you, but either way, know that you have someone sitting with you who has felt the deep emotion of loss.
When Cassidy, our first child, was born, she had multiple chronic illnesses that we were not expecting. Her birth was quite traumatic, and it left me with a mix of emotions. I felt incredible joy that she arrived in time for Christmas, I also had fear about what her condition meant, and yet I held onto hope that it was all a mistake or that God would heal her in that moment. Over the years, these intense emotions have become common for me, sometimes all of them flooding through my soul within an hour.
After Cassidy was born, news spread that we were admitted to the Children's Hospital. At that time, a friend called our NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) room. When I answered the phone, my friend simply said “This is really crappy”. At that very moment, I felt seen. She sat with me in my grief and acknowledged my feelings.
Most of us are familiar with the story of Job. Job was a good man whom God was proud of. Satan tells God that Job is only good because he’s so prosperous. If everything was taken from him, he would curse God. So, God permits Satan to test Job’s faithfulness by stripping him of everything he has. At this point in the story, Job has endured the great loss of his children, his possessions, and his land and is in the midst of incredible grief and pain. When Job’s friends hear about his situation they come to grieve with him.
“Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.” Job 2:13
If you have read this book of the bible, then you know that later on they all try to make sense of this by offering unhelpful, and frankly untruths to Job. But in the initial moments, they just sat with him.
May I suggest that when you are experiencing loss of any kind, surround yourself with people who will sit with you and allow you the space to feel whatever emotions are coming into that space? Suffering can bring up intense feelings that are not always packaged in pretty little bows. If we don’t allow ourselves time to process these feelings they can take root and become harmful. It’s important to make sure that we allow the truth of God’s word to take root in us. However, sometimes we have to work through these emotions first. Let’s remember that God can handle our emotions and it is better to go to him with difficult feelings, rather than withdrawing and allowing bitterness to drive us away from God.
In my situation, taking care of myself and looking for rest wasn’t even a thing on my radar. Even sleep was hard to come by because the nurses would come and do their rounds throughout the night. Machines would be beeping and not to mention the hospital bed is no luxury mattress. On top of the physical exhaustion, we were emotionally drained as well. How can you even look for rest in a situation such as this? I believe there are times that we go through where rest isn’t much of an option. That was the situation I was in. But what I did learn is that I could find some quiet for my soul so that I could work to drown out the anxieties that threatened to take over.
I am a woman of faith, and I believe that the Bible is the ultimate truth. Whenever I find myself struggling with my emotions, I turn to the Bible to find solace and guidance on how to deal with heartbreak and the trials of life. Even though my worries don’t vanish entirely, they often lessen when I focus my mind on scripture. (Some of my favorites are listed below.)
Our family is very involved in various groups in our community and, most importantly, in our church. I have always believed that once we commit to something, we must stick to it no matter what. But when life rocks your boat, sometimes you need to take a step back. We can’t be all things to all people when our souls need healing. So in the middle of a trial, sometimes we need to allow ourselves extra time to heal, even when that includes removing ourselves from certain commitments.
Let’s recap the main points on finding rest during grief:
There is no roadmap
Surround yourself with friends who will sit with you
Sometimes physical rest isn’t an option in certain seasons so we can work to find rest for our souls by focusing our hearts on scripture.
It’s ok to remove yourself from extra commitments to allow time for your soul to heal
Renae’s favorite verses in times of grief:
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted.” Psalm 34:18
“And the peace of God which passes all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7
“Cast all your anxieties on Him because He cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 28-29
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” Matthew 5:4
