I met my younger self for coffee…
She ordered a vanilla latte; I ordered a drip coffee with a splash of half and half, then added vanilla stevia drops.
She was trying to appear strong - but with a special needs baby in her stroller and her future full of uncertainty - I saw through her mask. Keeping up appearances of perfection was exhausting. I encouraged her to let her guard down and allow more people to walk this road alongside her.
I wasn’t trying to be a messenger of bad news when I told her she would endure even more intense battles. Instead, I wanted her to know God was enough - he would equip her.
I left the coffee shop wishing she could see the unique gifts God would be revealing to her in the coming years. Her child’s life and their journey would impact many lives.
I knew she wouldn’t understand all I was saying - she would have to walk through it - she would grow into a more confident woman someday.
The encounter reminded me of how things have changed in my life over twenty years and I wonder what it would have been like for me if I could magically inject that perspective into my younger self.
* * *
Later that day, I had coffee with my older self. Her coffee order only slightly changed - almond milk instead of half and half, but still the vanilla stevia.
As I sat across from her sipping my coffee she shared a truth that I needed reminding of: embrace the changing seasons. Not just the good ones - the joyful, easy moments - but also the ones filled with pain, loss, and the unknown. “Give yourself permission to feel both joy and grief,” she said, her voice tender with the weight of experience.
We talked about the years that have passed, the grief we've walked through, and the quiet, stubborn strength we've found. Now we can walk alongside younger women working to find confidence through their personal faith journeys.
There have been moments where we struggled with what appeared to be God’s silence. Yet, it was during these times we were able to see God’s character in ways we never would have had we not walked through the flames - His patience, unending love, and faithfulness.
She reminded me we have built a foundation of faith over the years and to continue moving forward in my calling. God has already given me what I need to step into the next chapter.
As we parted, I was once again encouraged about my future. There are still lessons God wants to reveal to me, but my past has taught me I have to decide to embrace the uncertainties I still face today. And I can choose to walk in the confidence of God’s truth.
